you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
