She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
