I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
only if we run a train.
done.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
