Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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