I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
