And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
