somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
