The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
