careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
