Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
