so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
