I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
