3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
