Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
