is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
