that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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