I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
