So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
