Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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