i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
