Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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