I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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