never play flip cup with pint glasses
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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