"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
