Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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