I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
