I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
