sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
