dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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