Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
