i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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