I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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