If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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