We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
