I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
