we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
