Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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