my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he fucked my hip out of place.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
