I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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