You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
