she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
