He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
