***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
