I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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