evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
