I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well I just put wine in my tea
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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