In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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