my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
