she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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