the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
