You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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