do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
