Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
