Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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