Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
