i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
